Being Himura Kenshin
by Nathaniel Irvin
Summary: This story takes place just before the Kyoto story arc, and is in some ways an extended prologue to episode 28. Kenshin begins to think seriously about his past and his future. (It was originally published on a personal website back in 2002.)


It was a lovely morning. The breeze was blowing through the courtyard of the Kamiya dojo, with almost no clouds in the sky, promising a lovely day to follow the pleasant morning. Himura Kenshin stood in the doorway of his room, gazing at the scenery. It had been almost a month since the fiasco with the pirates, but fortunately that had ended well. Now they were back to normal.

"Oi, ugly girl, why'd you hit me?!" Yashiko's indignant voice echoed across the square.

"What did you call me?" Karou snarled back. "And for your information, you have to learn to block attacks. If you're just going to attack all the time, you'll be dead really fast!"

Kenshin smiled weakly. Well, back to what passed for normal around here anyway.

A little while later, he was just about to toss a couple kimonos into the wash bucket when he heard Karou calling his name. "I'm over here, Karou-dono!" he called.

"Ah, there you are Kenshin," the sword-mistress said, coming around to that part of the dojo. "We're ready to go."

" _Oro_? Go where?"

"What do you mean, 'go where?' Did you forget we have appointments with Megumi-san today?"

"We do?" he face-faulted. "But we're not sick-I mean...are you sick Karou-dono?"

Karou sighed. "It's some new thing she and Genzai-sensei picked up from some Western doctors - you check with the doctor every so often to make sure you aren't going to get sick. Megumi-san insisted, so we're going today."

Kenshin felt a large sweat-drop trickle down his hair. "That seems a little extreme, that it does."

"Extreme or not, we're going," Karou said firmly, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the dojo amidst a chorus of hen-pecked oros.

Kenshin wasn't sure what Megumi-dono was going to accomplish by prodding different parts of the body and checking your throat but after he had encouraged her so strongly to become a doctor he could hardly argue. So after she gave Yashiko a bill of clean health, she turned and gazed at Kenshin. In a dreamy tone, she said, "Ken...san...you're next."

Kenshin felt another sweat-drop as he went over and sat down on the floor next to Megumi. Grinning slyly, she scooted close to him and put her hand on his back. "Breathe in, Ken-san," she said. He complied, biting back questions of whether she had seen the Western doctors' qualifications. She then proceeded to check a number of other body parts - including his ears! - but eventually she ran out of anatomy she could explore in front of Genzai-sensei and let Kenshin off the hook.

"So..." he said uncertainly, "do I, er, pass, Megumi-dono?"

She smiled. "Of course, Ken-san. You're healthy as a horse, aside from your normal _hakabyou_."

"Hakabyou?" Kenshin rolled the world around in his mouth for a moment. "What's that?"

Megumi-dono flushed and looked away, looking like a kid who has accidentally told a secret. "Er...it's nothing Ken-san, just a bad joke." She glanced up and saw his blank/innocent look, and sighed. "Well, it's just the medical word for 'multiple personalities.' Like I said, just a bad joke."

Kenshin was not brilliant, but it didn't take him long to realize what Megumi-san was talking about. He forced a smile, bowed, and left, heading back towards the Kamiya dojo.

He knew Megumi hadn't meant anything really by saying that, but it brought unpleasant thoughts to his mind. It was true that he had once been the Hitokiri Battousai, but he had given all that up, hadn't he? Well... there was the time with Jin-e, but that had been to save the lives of Karou and countless government officials. And even so, "Battousai" was just a nickname, not another personality.

Wasn't it?

He heard rapid footsteps behind him. Turning he saw Karou hurrying to catch up with him. "Hey, Kenshin, you sure left in a hurry, is everything okay?" He smiled. "Mm, everything's fine Karou-dono. I'm sorry for leaving so thoughtlessly. I...I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

She gazed at him puzzledly for a moment then smiled. " _Naruhodo_. Well I guess we'd better get home. I've got a lesson to teach and you need to finish the laundry." They laughed together as they reached the doors of the dojo and went inside.

While scrubbing the clothes, Kenshin was lost in thought again. If the people of the revolution, like the leaders of Shinsen Gumi he'd fought, could see him now, they might not even recognize him, his personality was so different. And if Karou or Sanosuke were to ever see Himura Battousai they wouldn't know him because he was so different from the rurouni they had come to know and love. But all that meant was that he had changed. Anyone can change.

But...when he stood over Jin-e with his sword raised to strike...

Genzai sighed with weariness and locked the medicine chest. Turning to Megumi, he remarked, "quite a busy day today, eh?"

"Yes, it was," she agreed. There was a slight quaver in her voice. "Genzai-sensei... why did I say that to Ken-san? Hakabyou is nothing to joke about."

Genzai paused for a moment, then said. "No, it's not. But you were right, Megumi. Kenshin is a little bit crazy."

"Genzai-sensei! You can't mean that! If you did, why would you let your granddaughters even get near him?"

"The same reason I'll let them get near to a pet dog. Sure it used to be a wolf, but that was a long time ago." He looked out the window. "I don't think Kenshin-dono is at all dangerous like he is now. He is a little unstable, but he's in control. His other personality doesn't rule him."

"Of...of course." Megumi brightened. "He's just Ken-san, after all."

Genzai grinned. "Of course."

Kenshin sat in his room, leaning against the wall, his Sakaba-tou leaning against him. It was night, and the wind had picked up. Clouds were blowing across the sky, covering the moon at points. The morning's good weather had gone for the time being it seemed.

He rubbed his cheek, feeling the groove of the scars that Tomoe had given him so long ago. Back then, he had shed blood every day. But he had never been like the sickos like Jin-e who had killed because they got a perverse pleasure out of it. He had killed to work for his ideal...and eventually he had been shown in the most painful way possible that that was no way to live.

But at the same time...three months ago he had come this close to taking another person's life. Jin-e had lain on the ground, already defeated, several bones crushed, disarmed. Kenshin remembered how he had felt the surge of the Revolution in him again as he held his Sakaba-tou's bladed side over his enemy, preparing to strike him down. But it had just been the means to the end, right? He hadn't wanted to kill Jin-e...

But if that was true, why had he been so quick to decide the only way to fix the problem was to kill him?

And why was it that in every battle he fought he seemed to act a little more like the Battousai rather than a rurouni?

His eyes closed and images flashed before him. A man staggering towards him, an injured man slung across his shoulders. Dead bodies lying before him, him wiping the blood off his sword. The Shinsen Gumi challenging him to another battle.

A crackle of thunder rippled across the sky and he jolted awake. "A dream about my past...?"

Hakabyou. Was he crazy? Was he still the Hitokiri Battousai?

He had the uncomfortable feeling he would one day have to decide that for certain, and that one day was going to be soon.


End file.
